There is not enough ninja porn. What’s more sexy than a ninja stealing into a woman’s bedroom under cloak of darkness to ravish her? Answer at the bottom of the review.
Sexy Timetrip Ninjas is five genre films in one. It’s a ninja film, a Japanese “Pink” softcore movie, a sci-fi time-travel comedy, an historical epic, and, well, a subway grope fetish film. Bet you didn’t see that one coming. It involves a ninja named Sasuke in 1615 Osaka being chased by Kagero, a female ninja from a rival clan when all of a sudden, an earthquake hits and both of them are transported to 1980s Tokyo. Hey, it happens.
Sasuke ends up on a subway train and within a few minutes he’s acclimated to the local climate…the hot and humid micro-climate in a school girl’s panties. The ninjas chase and fight each other through the subways of downtown Tokyo in some pretty funny scenes. Sasuke hooks up with the school girl and helps her pass a history test in his era. Kagero ends up in a love hotel and becomes the most popular girl there, thanks to her finely trained ninja lovemaking skills. Soon enough she ends up on a subway and gets groped herself.
The sex is played mostly for comedic effect, except for the groping scenes, which are shot in pervy close-up and are taken very seriously, indeed (and stay just this side of actual fingering). But, being a Japanese film, you’ll never actually see a pussy. Thus, even with some quite explicit hand-on-pussy manipulation, by our Softcore Reviews standards, the nudity categorizes as Brief. The movie succeeds more as a comedy than a sex film. It masquerades as slapstick, but its actually got a droll sense of humor about itself. When a groper compliments Kagero on the perfection of her clitoris, in between moans of ecstasy, she responds, “What do you mean, ‘clit’?”
Can anyone explain the history of the subway groping fetish to me? Is it entirely the property of Pink cinema? Is it the on-screen sublimation of unspoken fantasies in the same way that the Japanese worked out their nuclear anxieties in countless Gojira movies? Or is subway groping an actual thing? I mean, I know Godzilla doesn’t exist. But they sure do make it seem like groping is an everyday occurrence and that you’re all but doing these girls a favor by…attending to them. Very odd. Next time I’m in Tokyo, I’ll—no, I’d better not test that theory out.
The DVD includes a very helpful interview with Alex Bay, a lecturer in Japanese history, to fill in some of the gaps in terms of the pre-Tokugawa period. He gets the final word in this review, because it’s awesome. “What is fascinating is, if a ninja became a subway groper,” reasons Bay, “he’d never get caught!” True dat.
Answer: What’s hotter than a ninja? Capturing a ninja. Preferably a sexy girl-ninja. That’s totally hot.