Bare Naked Survivor

by Brian

We know they had fun making this movie. We realize that the camp, the cheesiness, and the overall "badness" are all part of the act, and we know that intellectually, this movie aimed no higher than somewhere just below the ankle. It was meant to be funny and goofy, with some jiggly action to justify the expense. Still, we could not bring ourselves to enjoy it.

There's boobies, oh yes. Lots and lots of bouncing bosums are here to please the eye as they are freed from the restrictive confines of tiny t-shirts and bikini-tops, to jiggle and wiggle as these copiously cupped women riff on the (questionably) popular "reality" show Survivor. But the movie does not make a serious attempt to be erotic, nor are the segments interesting enough to keep fingers from inching towards the fast-forward button. This just wasn't our cup of T&A, though it might do well for the college crowd or the newer crop of viewers not yet jaded by a gazillion of similar tease and nudie vids.

All of the women are well-known to the softcore crowd, with veterans Julie K. Smith and Shauna O'Brien leading the pack of ex-Penthouse and Playboy models. The actresses have a great time hamming it up as their characters, with Julie as an ass-kicking ex-Navy SEAL and Shauna copping a French accent. Alexus, Aimee, Tess, and Aria also do what is required of them, which is to look good, take off their clothes, and run around the island of Butta Cheeka. Less effective is Lenny Juliano as the host, though as co-producer he was in a position to put himself in a movie with a bunch of hot naked chicks, and no one is going to blame him for that (though he was much more convincing when his character, Cliff, turns into a foulmouthed angry tough guy).

There are no real sex scenes to speak of; any sensuality that starts to cook up is promptly cut away from or interrupted. Some heated softcore sex would've helped this movie out, and we waited patiently for the anticipated hot and heavy lesbo action. But there was only some light fondling and kissing and hardly any full nudity. Alexus loses her bikini bottoms in a short masturbatory sequence that almost reveals a quick glance of lippage, but does not go any deeper (no pun intended). There is, however, a nifty poop gag featuring a gorilla (we thought Seduction had dibs on this sort of thing) that, depending on your constitution, might suddenly leave you remembering what you ate for lunch.

Not really for the connoisseur of fine erotica, this movie is more suited for folks who enjoy their boobs and buns mixed with an extra dash of corn and the odd sprinkling of cheese. Not to mention those who might enjoy seeing an ape toss his feces at some poor unsuspecting babes.