Animal Attraction (Rated)

by Brian

A wise man once told me that when you see an "R" on a movie box it stands for "Return-To-Shelf" (Mick, ye are truly wise) but did I listen? Nope. Not when I see this flashy new DVD sitting on my local video store's shelf and one of the stars happens to be Ahmo Hight, who literally singed the hairs off my eyebrows with her performances in Inside Club Wild Side 2 and Hotel Exotica and then dropped out of sight.

Ahmo might not be the most beautiful actress to appear in softcore films, but damned if she doesn't have that elusive and hard-to-find quality that we like to call...oh, I don't know, how about horniness? With nipples that are constantly switched in the "on" position and a tight little ass that can literally fit in the palm of your hand, she uses her fitness background to display sexy moves and leg-splitting grinds that would stretch the buttons on any man's Levis. She truly delivers every time I've seen her on screen.

So what gives with these "R" rated versions? Who truly rents one of these flicks and says, "Hmmm, I might see too much nudity and sex with that unrated version. Perhaps I should rent this watered down, heavily edited version, so that I don't let my excitement interfere with the clever dialog and cinematic nuances of the film." Bah! Video store owners who only provide Restricted versions of these films should be dragged into their parking lots and whipped with their own flaccid penises. This means you, Blockbuster! But I digress, let's go back to the film...

The original title of this movie when it was shown on Cinemax was Insatiable Wives , and if you ask me that title rocks compared to the generically formulated Animal Attraction . C'mon, once you watch this movie you know that it has more to do with horny women (ie: wives) than with anything you see on the Discovery channel nature shows. What were they worried about, that it sounded too much like a porno movie? Oh, the stigma! Those Berkely film students might not rent it with a lewd title such as that. Please.

Stephanee LaFleur stars as Donna, and like most wives in softcore movies she is having a hard time keeping her busy husband, Tom, interested in sex. He comes home to find her dressed in sexy negligee, her D-cups overflowing with generous heapings of breasts, but does he want sex? Oh no, he just wants to save the environment, and only caves in to her needs when she threatens to spray harmful fluorocarbons into the air. "Oops, there goes some ozone layer!" she threatens, waving a hairspray can around the room. Tom lies down on the bed, the bra is unsnapped, and because this is the RATED version we quickly cut away before anything good happens. All of the sex scenes are like this, and if you take away the nudity (which is pretty much only topless) you would have nothing steamier than a soap opera. For shame.

Her frustrations lead her to fantasize about what it would be like if she could switch places with her three friends, played by Ahmo Hight, Chanda Marie, and Lori Dawn Messuri, all of whom seem to be enjoying more of a sex life than she is. She wakes up each day with a new "husband" and promptly begins taking advantage of the situation as well as spying on Tom and his new "wife", who happens to be the woman that Donna has replaced in each scenario. As the film moves along she discovers that it is Tom she truly wants after all, but she gets to sow all of her wild oats along the way. We also get a few extra scenes of the other girls having fun with Tom, and there is a good deal of sex in the film. But we only wish that we could've seen it!

Of course the unrated version would be the only version worth checking out, and based on what we saw in the rated version it looks like it would be promising. Can't say for sure but if anyone has seen the original version of Insatiable Wives or has rented an unrated version of Animal Attraction , please let us know how it was. It seems that neither is available in Canada yet so we'll just have to wait. There's over ten minutes of footage that we're owed and we intend to collect!